tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
