Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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