I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
