Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
