why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
