I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
