There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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