Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
