well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
