I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
