I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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