My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
