i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
