the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
