I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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