she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
