If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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