They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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