I showed him my bush... on skype.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize