At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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