She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
