My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
