There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
