i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
