I murdered the dance floor call the cops
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
