every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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