I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
