Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
