Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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