Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
