After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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