I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
