I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
