SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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