The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
