Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
