He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
