Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
