Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
