I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
