Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
