..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
