She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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