he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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