I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I love having hate sex.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We were destined to go to rehab together
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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