I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
