i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
