I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
