The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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