I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Let's paint friendship bongs
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
