dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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