Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
