Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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