my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
