i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
